I feel like such an jerk, but it’s the end of day 6 and I’m still wondering why everyone thinks this is so hard. According to this I should be asleep under the squat rack right now. I still need a nap on most days, but that’s normal for me. Mas siestas por favor! I even checked the label on my vitamin supplement to make sure it didn’t contain anything resembling sugar or crack. Nope, all clear... I know, I suck! Some of you are so very tired right now. Just to rub it in, here is a list of awesome things that are happening to me, and I swear I didn’t pull this off the internet under “short term benefits of cocaine”:

  • improved energy
  • reduced appetite
  • better mental focus
  • enhanced creativity
  • decreased anxiety
  • increased motivation
  • closer to God (my favorite side effect)
  • more introspective
  • I FaceTimed my sister-in-law and she told me I looked very “centered.” 
  • less scattered... centered!
  • zero cravings
  • improved sleep
  • more optimistic
  • way less bloated
  • my client told me my ass looked smaller (I love my clients! I love her the most.) 

A few years ago, when my oldest niece was in first grade, she, along with a couple of her younger siblings, got sent to their room by their mom for misbehaving. My brother and his wife have six kids spanning twelve years, and they run a very tight and efficient ship at their house. As a result, my nieces and nephews are super respectful to their parents, and all other adults for that matter. It’s very cool. I don’t know how they do it, but major props. Anyway, the little misbehavers disagreed with the fact that they were trapped in their room and planned a retaliation, with the oldest and most literate sibling leading the charge. A little while later my sister-in-law found this sitting outside the bedroom door:

MOM THIS IS REEDICLEEIS PLEASE LET US OWT

MOM THIS IS REEDICLEEIS PLEASE LET US OWT

You know what else is reedicleeis? That list of mine up there! I mean, closer to God? Are you kidding me?

I know. But I’m telling you… it’s true!

It’s not all sunshine and butterflies though. I can think of one very annoying negative that I’ve been experiencing since I started this thing; waking up to pee every damn night. I guess that’s what happens when there’s no alcohol to dehydrate all the water out of my body. 

I attribute much of my success thus far to the one drug that IS allowed on the Whole30: caffeine. Says so right here

I like my coffee and I like it strong. I usually make it in a french press at home, but if I’m short on time or lazy I swing by Peet’s and order a depth charge (also known as a "red eye" for you non-MN peeps) and for the next three hours I’m fucking unstoppable. I’m going to stop talking about coffee because I don’t want the nice people at Whole30 to catch wind and consider taking it away. So shhhhhh… but without coffee I wouldn’t even be writing this; I’d be crying in the fetal position outside the door of Peet’s.

Six days complete and I’m rocking it, but I will remain humble because it’s totally possible, and likely probable, that shit might start to suck any day now.