As I was getting ready to head into work this morning, I was trying to figure out how I was going to respond to the question I was bound to get asked; “What happened to your nose?”

I needed a believable explanation for the scabbed over gash on the bridge of my nose because there was no way I would volunteer the actual account of events, especially to people I didn’t know really well. 

It always bugs me when people answer questions about how they are doing with “good.” How are you doing? Good. How are you feeling? Good. How was your weekend? Good. I always ask my clients the same question before I train them; “How is your body doing?” If they answer “good,” I roll my eyes a little and explain that A) I’m not just trying to be nosy. B) I genuinely care, and C) I need to REALLY know how your body is doing if I am to do my best job as your trainer. I need specific information to know what I’m dealing with.I’m not just pointing my finger, I am as much to blame for this as anyone else. Rote answers like “good” keep us in our comfort zones. It’s a protective mechanism.

Vulnerability is scary, which is why I was trying to make up a story about my nose. Becca, how was your weekend? You want the truth? I poisoned myself, got diarrhea and almost threw up, passed out, fell off the toilet, smashed my nose and jacked up my neck, came to on the bathroom floor, threw up for real, and spent four hours in the ER. And also, my orchid is re-blooming. How was YOUR weekend? 

“Comedy is tragedy plus time.” -Mark Twain

Up until just today, I never thought I’d share this story. I know, I know, the image it conjures up is super sexy, right? NO! This shit is highly embarassing! So what made me turn a complete 180 and decide to write about it for all the world to see? Because I was worried about what people would think.

If you follow me on social media, you know that lately I’ve been putting a lot of time, energy, and money into increasing my consciousness and working on mindset and personal growth. Here's a post about that. I had spent the first 40 years of my life working on my physical development, as an athlete, coach, and fitness professional, while completely ignoring any type of consistent work on my inner self, and it was starting to catch up to me. I wasn’t cool with my inability to deal with certain things. My anxiety was getting worse. I was doing all sorts of things to get out of my head because inside my head was crazy town. So I hired a coach and got to work (and it IS work), which brings me to my next point.

Balance is over-rated.

If you want to be hard core in one area of your life, something HAS to give in another. I spent most of my life trying to be a hard core athlete. I worked hard at it, had fun, and achieved some success as a competitive gymnast and then as an elite level triathlete, but only at the expense of other things. I put so much focus on physical fitness and training that I didn’t have much energy left over to devote to other areas of my life, such as family, career, or personal growth.

When I first started out as a personal trainer, I put all my time and energy into that. Something had to give, so I spent less time working out, sleeping, and taking care of myself. It paid off, because I was able to grow my business in a relatively short amount of time.

You can’t be both hardcore and balanced. If I had been striving for balance in my life, I wouldn’t have had the success. In order to have the success, I needed to put pretty much everything into that one thing I wanted to massively succeed in.

These days, I’m trying to be hardcore about two things that are very closely related: expanding my business and expanding my consciousness. (Turns out that most of the obstacles I encounter when expanding my business are self-created. Imagine that!) In order to crush it in these two areas, I need to practice “short term specialization,” a brilliant concept I first learned about from one of my mentors, Pat Flynn. There is only so much time in the day, and only so much energy in the bank, so in order to reach massive success in these two areas, I am making a conscious choice to back off on how much time I spend working out. Luckily, my ability to be a good trainer has nothing to do with how much I can bench press, or how well I place in the Crossfit Open. So I’m good.

Back to my reason for writing this post. My incredible coach (therapist) told me that if something or someone “triggers” me, A) it’s not at all about them or the thing that happened, it’s about me, and B) it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. When I realized I was worried about others knowing the truth about what happened, that sent up a huge red flag. If someone wants to judge me because I had an accident, then that’s on them.

I have been learning about how life is so much better if I am myself, and not some edited version of myself that I think other people would rather see. This post is that mindset in action.

Did any of this resonate? Or are you still imagining my poor lifeless body in a heap on the bathroom floor? 

Thankfully, I suffered only minor injuries and will fully recover. No broken bones or concussions or weird blood disorders, only a cut on my nose and a super sore neck. I must have cooked some bad chicken, which is what started out the whole episode. Passing out and falling off the toilet is definitely not something I’d recommend. If you have to barf, hit the deck, because fainting before vomiting is an actual thing with an actual name: vasovagal syncope.

By the way, my orchid is ACTUALLY re-blooming, which, based on my history with house plants, is a huge win.