The muscle up is a skill that has mystified me for years. I recently decided to stop wishing I could do one, and start doing what I need to do to make this 42-year-old, injury-laden, knees-not-working, ex-gymnast-issues-galore body of mine execute the darn thing.

So this week, I hired one of the best Crossfit athletes in the country to help me. I'm determined to learn a muscle up. On the high rings. For the first time. Ever.

My coach ran me through a bunch of drills and feats of strength, and decided I was strong enough to give it a go.

When's the last time you were truly afraid? Like, if-I-mess-this-up-I-am-risking-serious-bodily-harm-or-even-death - level afraid? 

Just so you have an idea of how delusional I am, here is a video of my brother doing a muscle up.

I was cleared by my coach to attempt the muscle up, so I gave myself a pep talk, prayed to the Almighty, and went for it.

And I did it!

With a spot.

My coach gave me a little push assist to help me complete the move. It was a cool feeling to arrive at the top of the rings, but I wanted to do it under my own power completely.  After being spotted through a few, I felt like I had it down. I was ready.

I went for it. And I missed. I went for it again. I missed again.

My coach said, "Becca, you have it. You're right there. You just aren't committing."

I kept trying, and I kept missing. It wasn't the day for my new fancy trick to happen. I let fear get in the way of commitment. 

Physically, I am fully capable of doing a muscle up. Mentally, I have some work to do.